You will have heard me say this before – authenticity is one of my highest values. I feel revolting inside if I am not being authentic and I edge away from people that I don’t sense are being real.
So, recipe I wanted to share with you some truths.
Social media is a funny thing isn’t it. It allows us to portray how we want to be seen. I had dinner with a very special friend recently and she asked me if what I am putting on Facebook is authentically reflecting my life. It was a great question.
You see, I am very much of the mind-set that my glass is half-full (I used to be VERY much a half-empty girl; a.k.a. victim) and I tend to focus on what I am creating for my life or what I am grateful for or what makes me feel great.
We get what we focus on.
So, that is what I put out into the world of social media. The truth is, I don’t always feel great. My life isn’t always glamorous. I am not always jet-setting. And, believe it or not….and this will be tough to fathom …. I am not ALWAYS at the spa! LOL!
Before I reveal some truths, let me tell you why I wanted to write this down.
I set an intention recently to write my list of Daring Desires and I was going to share that with you this week. It will be an extension of ‘The Bag List’ that I began 2 years ago (have you been following me long enough to have witnessed my attempt to blog every day back in 2012!? It had to end when I realised I was having a relationship with my computer that was not healthy, and FAR from Daring & Mighty; which is what I was trying to achieve!).
Anyway, like you, I have fears. Writing a Daring Desires list brings them up. Stuff like – How will I afford to do that? Who am I to have that? Do I deserve to experience that? There isn’t time for that! Hold on, do I really want that? What DO I want? You get my drift….
I called this list of desires DARING for a reason. It is daring to stop and think about what you desire. It is confronting for so many reasons, not least because certainly in the community I grew up in, we were taught to be grateful for what we had. I was never taught to dream about what I deeply desired.
I was taught to think about a career and it was encouraged to go for something that would make a decent income. The presumption was that I would live a life like Mum & Dad, hopefully just with a bit more financial comfort.
So, to make a decision to live an extraordinary life. To choose to be the biggest, most vibrant, most fully expressed version of myself is kinda jutting up against the norm. To unapologetically be me. Well, let’s just say it brings stuff up. For others, just as much as it does for me.
So, it’s important you know that as far as I have come, I still feel vulnerable to do this work. Writing my list has made me feel rather naked. And the reason I call this ‘work’ is because choosing to move beyond the fear and into my truth is just that. It’s a full-time job. It requires a lot of my attention.
Some time ago I committed to changing my life and that meant a life-long commitment to growth, to staying connected with my truth, peeling back those onion layers and continuing to dive deep, discovering more and more. Keeping a regular Spiritual Practice and staying in tune with my Soul. It is a never ending journey. Sometimes it’s really painful. All the time it’s really rewarding.
The rewards, the excitement, the gratitude is what I share on social media.
But what about me don’t you know!? Well, if you are interested, here are some truths:
- I often feel like a teenager and I tend to flirt with men FAR too young for me because I can’t see the age difference!
- I say ‘totes’ and ‘LOL’ – again, I forget my age….
- I love camping but I can’t remember the last time I went. It’s time I bought a tent with all the trimmings.
- I love the feeling of getting on an aeroplane. It makes me feel so glamorous and adventurous!
- I recently bought a track-suit. It made me VERY happy.
- I also recently bought ‘Guess’ shoes with killer heels. That also made me VERY happy!
- I can be a bit of a Princess.
- One of my happiest memories was a Friday night ritual of wine, chocolate and dvd with my boyfriend. So simple. So cosy.
- I like the couch / box-set combo. A lot.
- I rent! And I love the freedom that gives me. And sometimes I wish for a beautiful nest to settle in.
- My car has been on it’s last legs for years. A friend recently commented that he liked that I drove a beaten up old Saab – it gives me an edge. I would still prefer a Z4!
- I am single. Most of the time I love it this way. Sometimes I feel lonely. I genuinely wonder if I had a man in my life if I would feel as happy as I do most of the time. When my King arrives, I will let you know the answer to that.
- I still cry really hard when I think about my Mum. I miss her. A lot.
- Sometimes meditation bores me. Sometimes it takes me home, where I have never felt so expanded and free.
- I don’t have a wardrobe. My clothes hang on one of those open clothes rails. It’s ugly. But I am reluctant to buy a proper wardrobe because I love to look at my pretty, colourful shirts!
- My fridge often looks like it belongs to a student – a.k.a. empty. I love it when it’s bursting with colourful vegetables and lots of yummy, healthy food.
- I rarely host dinner parties – cooking for lots of people freaks me out. I am NOT a domestic goddess.
- I love anchovies.
- I get spots. Still! Refer back to top & feeling like a teenager!
- This year I will be 40. Sshhhh…..
- I often hug myself, talk to myself and laugh at myself.
- I can’t sing. It’s not pretty when I do. But I swear there is a funky black woman inside me screaming to get out!
- I am constantly uncovering new layers of me. It’s often a painful process that can make me feel angry, worried and sad. I am grateful to experience such depth of emotion though.
- I am Australian and have a very British accent. I honestly can’t help it!
There is so much more. It felt great to write the snap-shot above. I have developed such a deep, loving relationship with myself that it feels good to recognise all parts of me. And I now feel empowered to unapologetically share my list of Daring Desires with you – which I will do next week. Watch this space!